When the Kentucky legislature decided to take up the issue of allowing students and faculty to carry concealed weapons in classrooms, little did they know that there would be benefits beyond creating a monumental safety hazard on college campuses. Last week, as College Heights Herald reporter Bob Newcomb lovingly stroked his H&K .40 caliber on the Kissing Bridge behind Cherry Hall, he noticed a young woman standing nearby, gazing longingly at her Beretta 9mm. Her name was Jane Duke. Love blossomed.

The couple, who have taken each others’ last names, agreed to give an exclusive interview with the Big Red Tool, and to share a picture from the wedding.

BRT: Where did you go on your first date?

BD-N: The local shooting range. It was my idea.
JD-N: The whole thing was very romantic. We used human silhouette targets, made to look like Arab terrorists.
BD-N: She put all 12 shots in the 10-ring. That’s when I knew we’d be married. It was love at first gun-sight, so to speak.

BRT: We take it that you favor legislation allowing people to carry concealed weapons in the campus buildings?

JD-N: Of course. The rigorous concealed-carry classes help prepare people for the kinds of real-life combat situations one might encounter were a gunman to enter a classroom intending to kill someone.
BD-N: Man, when she talks like that I get a stiffie. Don’t you?

BRT: Tell us about a normal evening for you two newlyweds.

JD-N: We oil up our guns, stroking them lovingly. Sometimes we pass our pieces back and forth to each other and do a mutual-oiling thing.
BD-N: Like I said, I’ve got wood.

BRT: Can you show is some wedding photos?

BD-N: Well, we can’t show you everything, of course. This is, after all, a family magazine. But we’ll allow you to publish a group photo from our rehersal dinner.

BRT: One final question: What do you think is the sexiest thing about your new spouse?

BD-N: She makes shooting sounds in bed. “Pow pow pow pow!” It’s awesome!
JD-N: He never shoots blanks.