At the Campus Forum on Tuesday, President Ransdell announced that recent budget cuts have forced The Western™ to rethink funding models for the different colleges, departments, and organizations. “‘Engagement’ can mean many things in a university with international reach,” the president noted, “and Departments and organizations will have to rethink how they compete for funds within the University structure.”

“To that end,” he continued, “I have decided that all funding will be determined by a series of cagefights using WEC rules as our guidelines. We’ll use a double-elimination system in order to give departments a chance to make up for a poor early performance.”

The first match will pit the Baptist Student Association against the Campus Pagans, in a fight loaded with both budgetary and theological ramifications.

The second round will showcase The Western™‘s football team against the Department of Nursing. “I’ve got a fiver on the nurses,” commented Provost Barbara Burch, “that’s a tough crowd.

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coming soon